I explained something to a colleague. Clearly. Logically. With data to back it up.
They looked at me and said: “I hear you, but I’m just not comfortable with it.”
So I thought: Maybe I wasn’t clear enough. And I explained it again. With more detail. More
examples. Better analogies.
“I hear you, but…” I thought: They’re not getting it. Third explanation. Even MORE clearly.
“I hear you, but…” Fourth. Fifth.
By the fifth “I hear you, but…” I was basically just repeating myself with different words and hoping
something would stick.
The Loop I Kept Running
Here’s the pattern: 1. I explain the logic 2. They say “I hear you, but…” 3. I think they didn’t
understand 4. I explain AGAIN (louder/clearer/more data) 5. Repeat
By the fifth “I hear you, but…” I was getting frustrated. I thought: Why won’t they just LISTEN?
Which is hilarious because they WERE listening. I was the one who wasn’t.
What I Was Missing
The “but” WAS the answer.
They heard me perfectly. They understood the logic. They got the data. The logic wasn’t the
problem.
The thing that came after “but” — THAT’S what needed addressing.
“I hear you, but I’m not comfortable” → They need reassurance “I hear you, but what if it doesn’t
work?” → They need to know someone has their back
And I kept trying to overwhelm the “but” with more logic. Like if I just explained it CLEARLY
ENOUGH, the “but” would go away. Spoiler: It did not.
The Moment I Stopped Explaining
By the fifth time they said “I hear you, but…” I finally stopped talking. And actually listened to what
came after the “but.”
“…but what if we lose the client over this?” Oh. They weren’t confused about the strategy. They
were worried about the consequence.
And no amount of strategic explanation was going to address that worry.
What I Learned About Logic vs. Emotion
Logic answers: “Does this make sense?” Emotion answers: “Does this feel safe?”
And most of the time, people need to answer #2 before #1 matters. I kept answering “Does this
make sense?” They kept asking “Does this feel safe?” No wonder we weren’t connecting.
The Associate Who Kept Asking
I had an associate who had all the skills. But every case: “Am I doing this right?”
So I’d walk them through the analysis. Show them their work was solid. Next case: “Am I doing this
right?”
I was basically teaching the same class every week and wondering why they kept signing up. I
thought: Why aren’t they learning this?
Here’s what I missed: They weren’t asking for analysis. They were asking for reassurance.
“Am I doing this right?” really meant: “Do you trust me with this?” And I kept answering the
analysis question instead of the trust question.
So they kept asking. Because I never answered the actual question.
The Client Who “Didn’t Feel Right”
I had a client once where the numbers clearly said: Settle. I showed them the risk analysis. The
probability calculations. The cost-benefit breakdown.
They said: “I hear you, but I just don’t feel right about it.” So I refined the analysis. Added more
data. Made it even clearer. “I hear you, but…”
I thought: They’re not seeing the risk clearly. What I missed: Something in their experience was
telling them this wasn’t safe.
And no amount of probability analysis was going to override that instinct. They needed me to say: “I
hear that something’s bothering you. What is it?”
The Pattern I Was Creating
Every time I responded to “I hear you, but…” with more logic, I was teaching people: Your
concerns don’t matter. Just listen to my explanation.
Even though that’s not what I meant. That’s what I was communicating. And the more I explained,
the more they shut down.
What Changed
Now when someone says “I hear you, but…” I stop. Not because I’m giving up. Because the “but” is
telling me exactly what needs addressing.
Listen for the “but”: When someone says “I hear you, but…” → Stop explaining. The “but”
tells you what needs addressing.
Common “buts”: “…but I’m not comfortable” → They need safety/reassurance. “…but what if it
doesn’t work?” → They need to know someone has their back.
What I Do Now
When I hear “I hear you, but…” I: 1. Stop explaining 2. Repeat back what came after the “but” 3.
Address THAT first 4. Then, if needed, revisit the logic
Most of the time? Once the worry is addressed, the logic lands. Because they can actually hear it
now.
The Absurdity I Still Catch Myself In
I still do this sometimes. Someone says “I hear you, but…” And I feel that pull to explain it
BETTER.
Like the problem is my explanation, not their worry. Like if I just find the RIGHT WORDS, the
worry will evaporate.
Then I catch myself and think: Wait. I’m doing it again. Listen to the “but.” And actually hear what
they’re telling me.
Which is wild because they’ve BEEN telling me. I just kept talking over it.
What This Actually Is
This isn’t about abandoning logic. Logic matters. Data matters. Analysis matters. But logic doesn’t
land when someone’s worried.
Address the worry first. Then the logic has somewhere to land.
What You Can Do
This week, try this: Next time someone says “I hear you, but…” → Don’t explain it again.
Listen to what comes after the “but.” That’s what needs addressing. Address that first. Then watch
how differently the conversation goes.