I had a problem.
Actually, I had about 47 problems.
But they weren’t MY problems. They were everyone else’s problems that I’d decided were mine.
The Problem-Solving Addict
I was really good at spotting problems. Like, REALLY good.
I could walk into a meeting and within 30 seconds identify:• What wasn’t working• Why it wasn’t working• How to fix it
I thought it was a superpower.
My clients thought it was valuable. My colleagues thought it was helpful. I thought it made me indispensable.
Turned out it was more like a curse disguised as competence.
The Trap I Didn’t See
Here’s what I didn’t realize:
Every time I spotted a problem, I felt OBLIGATED to solve it.
Whether it was mine or not. Whether anyone asked me to or not. Whether solving it would actually help or not.
And here’s the part that makes it even MORE absurd:
Even if I didn’t have time to actually SOLVE it, I felt obligated to at least ADVISE on how it should be solved.
So I’d spend mental energy thinking about their problem. Drafting approaches in my head. Considering options. Evaluating solutions.
Whether I was DOING it myself or just ADVISING on it, I was still carrying it.
Either way, it was taking up space in my brain.
The Guilt Layer
And then came the guilt.
Because sometimes I’d spot a problem I COULD solve but didn’t have the BANDWIDTH to solve.
And I’d feel bad about it. Like I was letting someone down.
By not solving their problem. That wasn’t mine to solve. In the first place.
Let me say that again because the absurdity deserves emphasis:
I felt guilty about not solving someone else’s problem that wasn’t even mine to solve.
That’s… insane. But I did it for YEARS.
What Changed
I was talking with a colleague who mentioned a challenge they were having.
And I felt that familiar pull. The “I need to solve this” reflex. The mental gears starting to turn. The obligation forming.
And then I stopped myself and asked:
“Wait. Is this mine to solve?”
And the answer was: No.
They weren’t asking me to solve it. They were just mentioning it.
I was the one turning their mention into my obligation.
The Filter That Saved Me
Now when I feel that “I need to solve this” reflex kick in, I ask myself three questions:
1. Is this mine to solve?
Not “CAN I solve it?” but “Is it MINE?” Just because I’m capable doesn’t mean I’m responsible.
2. Am I solving it or just carrying it?
Even the “let me advise on this” version still takes mental space. If I’m not going to actually do it, I need to let it go entirely.
3. What am I NOT doing by doing this?
Every problem I take on is a problem I can’t focus on something else. What am I trading away by solving this?
What I Learned
Just because I CAN solve it doesn’t mean I HAVE to.
Not even the “let me tell you how to solve it” version.
Some problems aren’t mine to carry.
Even if I’m really good at spotting them.
This doesn’t make me unhelpful.
It makes me strategic about where I invest my limited capacity.
The Absurdity I Still Catch Myself In
I still do this sometimes.
I’ll spot a problem.
Feel the pull.
Start mentally drafting solutions.
And then I catch myself and laugh.
Because it’s ABSURD.
This person didn’t ask me to solve their problem.
They just mentioned it.
And I turned their mention into my obligation.
That’s not helping.
That’s just me being unable to let problems exist without fixing them.
What You Can Do
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself:
You’re probably really good at spotting problems too.
That doesn’t make them yours.
This week, try this:
When you feel that “I need to solve this” reflex kick in, pause.
Ask yourself: “Is this mine to solve?”
Not “Can I?” but “Is it mine?”
If the answer is no, let it go.
Don’t solve it.
Don’t advise on it.
Don’t carry it around in your head.
Just let it be someone else’s problem to solve.
It’s harder than it sounds.
But it’s also kind of freeing.