What a Q&A question at the NYSBA webinar taught me about who was actually creating the problem
I was wrapping up a webinar for the New York State Bar Association last week — about 133 attorneys on the line, good energy, solid program — when a question came in that stopped me mid-answer.
Someone was trying to protect their time. Blocking their calendar, doing the right things, trying to work with their brain instead of against it.
And the partners they worked for kept interrupting anyway.
What do you do with that?
I started answering it the way I usually do — practical strategies, have the conversation, create the code, ask instead of just saying yes when someone pops their head in.
And then something came out of my mouth that I didn’t entirely plan.
The Thing I Said to Partners (While They Were on the Call)
I told them — directly — that if their habit is to walk around and interrupt their team whenever something pops into their head, they might want to reflect on whether those interruptions aren’t part of the problem they’re frustrated about.
Every time you interrupt someone, it takes about 17 minutes to get back on task.
I used to do this.
I walked around thinking I was being a good leader. Checking in. Staying connected. Managing.
What I was actually doing was resetting everyone’s cognitive clock every time I appeared in a doorway.
I wasn’t managing. I was disrupting.
And then I was genuinely confused about why things were taking so long.
How Long I Thought I Was Being Helpful
Here’s the absurd part: I thought this was leadership.
I’d walk by someone’s office. See them working. Think: “I should check on that project.”
Pop my head in. “Hey, quick question about the Smith matter…”
They’d look up. Answer. I’d leave feeling productive.
What I didn’t see:
They were mid-thought when I interrupted. Had three browser tabs open and a half-written email. Were 20 minutes into rebuilding focus after the last interruption.
And I just reset the clock. Again.
Then I’d wonder why the thing I asked about three hours ago wasn’t done yet.
Because it takes 17 minutes to get back on task after an interruption.
And I was interrupting them every 45 minutes.
Do the math.
They weren’t working on my thing. They were spending half their day climbing back to where they were before I showed up.
The Moment Someone Finally Told Me
An associate I trusted pulled me aside after a particularly chaotic week.
They didn’t say “you’re interrupting too much.” They said: “I’m having trouble finishing anything because I keep getting pulled into new things.”
I thought: We need better systems.
They thought: You need to stop walking around asking questions the moment they occur to you.
It took me six more months to figure out they were right.
What I Was Actually Doing
Every time something popped into my head, I acted on it.
Client calls. Partner walks by. Brain fires: “Oh, I should ask about that discovery issue.”
I didn’t write it down. I didn’t wait for their next check-in. I just… asked.
Because I’m the partner. That’s what partners do. Right?
Wrong.
What I was doing was externalizing my own lack of organization onto everyone else’s calendar.
I wasn’t managing the work. I was managing my anxiety about the work by immediately offloading every thought to whoever was nearby.
And calling it “being engaged.”
The Thing About “Try Harder”
Earlier in that same NYSBA session, I said something else that got a reaction.
A lot of managing partners tell their associates to just try harder.
And I said: try harder isn’t a thing.
I mean, yes, effort matters. But “try harder” has an embedded assumption that the person isn’t already trying.
And in my experience, if someone is showing up and doing the work, they’re probably trying pretty hard.
The question isn’t whether they’re trying.
The question is whether the environment they’re in makes it possible to actually finish anything.
If you’re interrupting them every 45 minutes, and it takes 17 minutes to refocus after each interruption, they’re spending more time recovering from your management style than they are doing the work you’re asking them to try harder at.
That’s not a them problem. That’s a you problem.
What I Do Now
I still get the thought: “I should ask about that thing.”
The difference is I don’t immediately act on it.
I write it down. Add it to their next check-in. Or I ask myself: does this actually need an answer in the next 10 minutes, or does it just feel urgent because it’s in my head?
Most of the time? It can wait.
And when it can’t wait, I’ve learned to ask: “Do you have 5 minutes now, or should I catch you at 3?”
That one sentence change — asking instead of assuming — cut my interruption rate in half.
Because it turns out, when you give people the option to say “catch me at 3,” they actually appreciate it.
And you get better answers. Because they’re not scrambling to context-switch while you’re standing in their doorway.
The Question Worth Asking
If you’re a managing partner who just recognized yourself in this:
How many times did you interrupt someone today?
Not to judge yourself. Just to know.
Most people have no idea until they count.
And once you count, you can decide whether that’s the kind of leader you actually want to be.
Because “checking in” and “disrupting” can look identical from the outside.
The difference is whether you’re paying attention to the cost.
Beyond the Practice Grind publishes most weeks. If this made you think of your own interruption pattern — or someone else’s — feel free to forward it.